Buried in the Stars Read online

  ***

  I didn’t know that heartbreak could have physical ramifications. As I sit in the Winters’ living room and listen to Sutton on the phone asking a girl to the Spring Formal, my chest feels like it’s caving in. I’ve been delusional for the past year, since that almost kiss, that Sutton Winters felt something for me. Between the kiss that didn’t happen, the constant touching, and Emily always making comments about how he looks at me, I thought that there was a chance for us. I thought he was waiting… waiting for me to be older, waiting until I wasn’t so fragile over the situation with my mother, I don’t know.

  He pushes END and throws the phone down on the cushion next to him, sighing. I want to vomit at the thought of him being with another girl. Is she his girlfriend? If she’s not now, she very well could be after this dance in a few short weeks.

  “I’m going home,” I say, pushing up from the couch, wanting nothing more than to get out of this house. I’m on the verge of tears, and I don’t want Sutton to witness it.

  “Why? We haven’t eaten yet.” He picks his phone back up to answer a text that just came through and I make a lame excuse about homework. He’s distracted, so he can’t tell that I’m lying. His brother, however, spots it instantly.

  “Come on, Squirt, I’ll walk you home.”

  As soon as we’re out of earshot and out of the house, Easton takes hold of my shoulders and turns me to face him. “You can’t hide how you’re feeling worth a damn, and you’re a lousy liar. This is about my brother, isn’t it?”

  “No,” I lie, but I can tell by the look on his face that he’s not buying it.

  “You practically turned green when he asked her to the dance.” My lip starts to quiver, but that doesn’t keep him from continuing. “She means nothing to him, Scarlett, I swear. He doesn’t even want to go, but he’s got to. He’s the captain of the baseball team and nominated for some sort of stupid award that night. It’ll look bad if he doesn’t show.”

  “I don’t care what he does.” I start to walk in the direction of my house when Easton calls me out.

  “Then why are you trying not to cry?”

  “I’m not,” I tell him, but as soon as the words leave my mouth, the tears fall from my eyes.

  “Come here, Scarlett.” He pulls me into his arms and lets me cry. The circles he rubs along my spine do little to soothe the ache in my chest. “I don’t know why the two of you don’t admit how you feel about each other,” he mutters into the top of my hair.

  I sniffle and pull back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  He laughs. “Everyone sees it but the two of you. I haven’t decided if you two are too stupid or stubborn to act on it.”

  “You can let go now.” I punch his shoulder and he laughs again. His mocking is successful in shutting down my tears, but it doesn’t make me feel any better about the girl.

  “You sure you don’t want to come back for dinner?”

  “I just want to be alone.” I really want to curl up, watch a movie, and cry, but I can’t tell Easton that.

  “Okay. Call me later. I think I’ll go have a conversation with my brother,” he calls as he’s walking back toward his house.

  “Don’t you dare, Easton Winters!”

  All I get is a wave in response.

  Later that night, after I watch Reality Bites and wish that one day Sutton and I will figure things out, just like Troy and Lelaina do, Sutton calls.

  “She doesn’t mean anything,” he says instead of ‘hello’. “She’s just a friend.”

  “I’m a friend. Why not take me?” I regret the words as soon as I say them. It’s a juvenile and stupid reaction.

  “Because you have to be in high school to go. Trust me, I would rather take you. I love you, Squirt.”

  My embarrassment melts away and I smile. “How much?”

  “A lot.” He’s smiling now, too. I can hear it loud and clear through the line.

  “More than what?”

  “More than a little. Now quit being annoying and go to sleep. Since you skipped out on dinner, you owe me breakfast. Mom’s making french toast in the morning.”

  “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you.”

  “See you in the morning,” is all he says before he hangs up.

  I curl into my pillow and fall asleep, feeling marginally better, hoping that someday the ‘I love you’ he gives me will mean something more.

  Chapter Six

  I cough on the bus fumes as the yellow beast pulls away from the curb and I survey my two options. My mother’s beat up car sits in the driveway, a silent warning of what’s waiting for me inside the house. If I had to guess, she doesn’t even realize that today was my first official day as a high schooler. Most mothers would be on pins and needles, dying to hear about how classes, teachers, and most of all, the boys at school were. My mom? I’m sure she’s well on her way to being passed out with her fingers wrapped around a bottle of cheap vodka.

  The decision on where to go isn’t a difficult one. It’s one I’ve made with ease over the past two years. I cross the street and head to Sutton’s house with Easton. He expects it, and doesn’t even ask. The need for an invitation flew out the window years ago. I’m a part of the family now. The kitchen blinds are drawn and I can see Sutton and Emily sitting at the kitchen table. My steps quicken. Not spending all day with these three was hard for me, especially when we just had all summer together.

  Mrs. Vera has the door open before we reach it. Easton heads straight for the spread of food and his mom intercepts me. “I heard the bus drop you off and figured you’d be over.” She wraps her arms around me and I sink into her hug. I close my eyes and breathe in her clean scent, but I don’t linger too long. I won’t allow myself to think about the fact that I haven’t felt my own mother’s arms around me since my father’s funeral.

  “Stop hogging her, Mom,” Sutton calls from the table. At least I think that’s what he says. His mouth is full of food. He shoves one more huge bite of whatever he’s eating into his mouth and yanks me from his mother’s hold. “How was it, Squirt?”

  “Don’t call me that,” I fuss. As soon as I go to hit him he pulls me into his chest, and I’m hit with a wave of feelings that I can’t do anything with.

  Sutton’s grown. Gone is the lanky, thin boy I met in the woods two years ago. He’s filled out- hardened, cut, and huge. When the spring baseball season ended at school, he immediately joined a summer league to keep up with his conditioning. It meant more time away from him this summer, but it did wonders for his body.

  I don’t think I’ve been in his arms like this in a while. Logical thought processes have stopped working. Hell, I don’t even remember what I’m doing in his arms in the first place. All I can think about is how good this feels, and that I hope he can’t feel my heart pounding against his chest. I can feel it echoing through my entire body.

  “Scarlett?” he calls. “How was school? I worried about you all day.”

  He nudges my chin up so I can look at him and I step back. I can’t think when I’m this close to him.

  I can’t breathe.

  “It was overwhelming. Massive.”

  “It’ll get better. Promise. And, you’re one more day closer to being at school with me.”

  I can feel my brows draw in. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.” I’m at the freshman high with Easton, but Sutton is two years older than us. He’s on a separate campus at the main high school.

  “Do you at least have any classes with my brother?”

  “I didn’t even see him all day. I’m telling you, the place is huge.”

  “Hungry?”

  “Starved.” He makes a face, and I shut down his train of thought. “Not literally. I ate lunch, but that was hours ago.” I make sure to whisper the last part so his worrisome mother doesn’t hear it. I like to think she’s still in the dark about my lack of care.

  “Come on,” he says, tugging me toward the table. I can manage to
walk the five feet on my own, but I like the feel of my hand in his. “How about some hummus and veggies?”

  “Perfect.”

  Emily looks up from her phone long enough to acknowledge that I’m in the room and a smile takes over her face. “Tell me everything.”

  “It was school,” I tell her after I swallow a carrot.

  “I don’t really care about that,” she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I want to know about the boys. The ones I go to school with are so boring.” Emily and I are both fourteen, but she’s way more obsessed with boys than I am. Maybe it’s because of Sutton, who won’t stop staring at me. I can’t quite figure out his look.

  He stiffens beside me as soon as Emily starts asking about the guys at school. Easton is already working on his homework but has a smirk on his face. “Yeah, Scarlett, tell us all about the boys at school.” Since that talk we had last spring, he can’t help but egg on his older brother.

  “I didn’t meet any boys.” Sutton’s watching me with rapt fascination. It’s unnerving.

  “I’m sure you met some,” Emily presses. “This is a perfect opportunity. I’ve been going to school with the same guys all my life. You have boys from all over town merging into this one school. It’s a gold mine of hotness.”

  “High school boys are assholes,” Sutton grumbles. “Stay away from them.”

  “Says a high school boy.”

  “They only want one thing, Scarlett, and they’re not getting it from you. You need to focus on school and don’t worry about anything else.”

  I glance around the room to make sure his mom is out of earshot. “Are you kidding me with this?”

  “I’m dead serious.”

  His face is hard, and the muscle in his jaw is ticking. Emily and Easton’s eyes are glued to us, waiting with bated breath to see what happens next.

  “You don’t get to decide what or who I do, Sutton Winters.”

  “The hell I don’t,” he growls.

  I grab my discarded back pack and head for the door. He’s calling my name, but I refuse to turn around. That is, until his grip on my arm forces me to do so.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home.” My chest is heaving when he slams the front door. “Why are you pulling this big brother bullshit?”

  He laughs, but it’s clear he doesn’t find anything humorous about this conversation. “Brother is the furthest thing from my mind, Scarlett.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  His hands run through his messy waves. “Please come back to the house. I want to hear about your day,” he says, taking my bag from my shoulders. “Stay for dinner.”

  “I want to go in the woods.” Since I moved here, the woods have been my salvation. I need to go there to unwind, refuel.

  “Let me go with you.”

  I don’t give him permission. It wouldn’t matter, seeing how he’s trailing behind me. He takes my bag and slings it over his shoulder. I climb the short ladder and enter the treehouse. Over the past few years, I’ve taken over the space and made it mine. Pillows and old blankets rest in the corner, away from the openings to make sure they stay dry. A Tupperware container outfitted with bottled water, fruit snacks, and granola bars is nestled beside them for those days when I stay in here long enough to require nourishment. I also keep a few notebooks and pens in here in case I ever feel like journaling. Sometimes I write, but most of the time I sneak on the roof and try to find the stars.

  “Can we stay here for dinner? I want to look at the stars with you.”

  “We can.” He walks closer to me, able to straighten when he reaches the center of the small room and wraps me in his arms. “What’s bothering you? Star gazing is usually reserved for when something’s on your mind.”

  “Nothing. Everything,” I correct. “I don’t know. I just feel, I don’t know, unsettled.”

  “I know the feeling, Squirt.” He brushes his lips across my temple. “Will you be alright by yourself for a minute?” He waits for my nod before speaking again. “I’m going home to let mom know that we’re out here and talk her into packing us some food. I’ll be back soon.”

  Figuring he’ll be more than a minute, I get some books out when he leaves so I can start on my homework. About thirty minutes later he comes back with a basket full of food.

  “Does she think we’re moving in?”

  He laughs and it warms me to the core. “You know how she is. By the time we eat it should be getting dark. You picked a good night for star gazing. There’s not a lot of cloud coverage tonight.”

  I fill him in on my teachers while we dine on Mrs. Vera’s food, Sutton providing commentary about all the teachers he had when he was at the freshman high. When we can’t possibly eat another bite, we make our way to the roof and settle in our usual position. I don’t know if it’s my imagination or not, but he seems to scoot a little closer than he normally does.

  He pulls a marker out from his pocket. “What’s your sign?”

  I laugh. “Are you preparing me for some of the cheesy pick-up lines high school boys will use on me?”

  “I want to tell you about your constellation. Tell me your sign.”

  “Virgo.”

  He uncaps the marker and starts to draw dots and lines on my leg. As always, the tickle of it on my skin sends tingles up my spine. “I should have known you’d have the most complicated one.”

  “I think I’m offended.”

  “Don’t be. Virgo is my favorite of the constellations, just like you’re my favorite person. It’s only fitting that she’s your sign.”

  “So let’s hear it,” I tell him, while looking down at my leg. I know that Virgo is The Virgin, but I don’t see how the drawing on my leg represents a woman.

  “It’s too early to see her in the sky, but I’ll tell you about her first. This constellation has two myths associated with her, but the first is the one I like best. The first ancient tale implies that Virgo was actually Persephone, the daughter of Zeus and Demeter, who was the goddess of fertility of the Earth. Persephone was nabbed by Hades, the god of the Underworld. He wanted her for a wife, but Persephone didn’t want anything to do with him. She refused to eat or speak while she was down there. Hades tried everything to butter her up- fancy clothes and jewels- anything to get her to like him, but nothing worked.”

  The story sounds familiar, but I can’t remember how it ends. I urge him to keep going.

  “Demeter got so angry that she refused to tend to the Earth and all the plants and crops started to die, causing a great famine across the land. People and animals were dying everywhere. Zeus told his wife that she could have her daughter back, but it wasn’t that simple.”

  “Why couldn’t she just come home?”

  “Because of some crazy, ancient law, if she accepted food, she would have to stay on as the god of the Underworld’s bride if that’s what he wanted. After she was there a while, Persephone was starved and ate a few seeds from a pomegranate. She was officially his bride because of the law. Demeter was devastated and declared that no crops would ever grow again. Zeus didn’t like to see his wife unhappy, so he struck a deal with Hades. Because Persephone ate six pomegranate seeds, she could stay six months in the Underworld as his bride. The other six months of the year would be spent on Earth with her mother. Everyone had to agree because Zeus was the king. So when Persephone was in the Underworld, no crops grew. In the spring, the land flourished when Persephone was reunited with Demeter.”

  “I love that. I don’t even want to hear the other version.”

  “Trust me, it’s not nearly as exciting as the tale of famine, the bride of death, and the Underworld. It has something to do with the scales of justice.” He leans into my body and takes my hand. “It’s dark enough now, Scarlett. Let’s see if we can find your constellation, buried in the stars.”

  I try to beat him to it, but Sutton finds Virgo in mere seconds. We sit and look at what he’s deemed my constellation and I can’t help but connect
with the story. When I’m not with Sutton, I feel dead inside. I just wish I could work up the courage to let him know how I feel.

  Chapter Seven

  I hate the afternoons. My mom hasn’t gotten to the point of oblivion this early in the day, so if I go home I risk a physical or verbal attack. Emily and Easton are home, but I’d rather spend time with Sutton. He’s at baseball practice, which I don’t really understand, since the season doesn’t start until the spring. I still go to his house every afternoon to have a snack and catch up with his brother, cousin, and mom about my day, but I make my way to the woods after about an hour and hang out in our spot, waiting rather impatiently for him to join me.

  Algebra homework is always saved for last. I can’t wrap my head around it, but Sutton flies through it like others recite the alphabet. He’s currently attempting to explain my assignment to me, but I can’t concentrate on his words. His body is pressed too close and he smells too good.

  “Are you even listening to me, Squirt?” He’s got a scowl on his face, but a smile in his voice.

  “Yeah, I just don’t understand anything you’re saying.”

  “It’s simple. You have to solve the equation by logically transforming it- changing its form- statement by statement, line by line, until x is solved and isolated by itself.”

  I undo my ponytail and shake out my head in an attempt to get rid of the headache he just gave me. “Careful, Sutton, your nerd is showing.”

  Before I know what’s happening, Sutton’s hand is buried in my hair, and he’s pushing us back onto the blanket we’re sitting on, his face looming over mine. “You love it when I talk nerd.”

  My breath catches in my throat. His body is on mine, pressed hard against every part of me. Last time we were in this position we almost kissed. My eyes drift to his mouth and he rolls onto his back, his shoulder touching mine.

  “Let’s forget about my nerdiness for a minute,” he says in an abrupt change of subject, which is fine. I don’t want to talk about math anymore. I don’t even know where my papers flew off to when he rolled us onto the blanket. All I want to talk about is how I can get him back on top of me.