Breathe Her In Read online

  I’ve got to figure a way to get out from under him. It keeps me up at night. I run through the various scenarios of what would happen if I just stop informing and dealing for him. I don’t give a fuck what the ramifications are for me, but I have to think about Della. I have to make sure that she doesn’t get thrown to the state. Things need to be put in place before I try to put an end to my relationship with Ford.

  The beer is gone and my cigarettes have lost their appeal, so I let myself back into the house and lock up behind me. I shed my jacket, tie, and shirt on the way to the bedroom. From the doorway, I can see Eleanor’s tiny frame draped in one of my tees, curled around my pillow. I want to wake her up so that I can apologize for how I acted earlier, but she looks too comfortable and content. The rest of my clothes come off and I slip into bed. She uncurls from the pillow and wraps around me instead, murmuring incoherent words as she gets settled into my body. My hand drifts across the lettering on her stomach, I whisper a quiet apology and a goodnight, and drift off to sleep.

  The sun hitting my face wakes me up. Shit. I forgot to hang up the blinds in here yesterday. It feels like I just went to sleep. Eleanor’s not tangled in my arms, which is strange, so I roll over and reach for her. My hand meets rumpled sheets. I sit up and look around the room, searching for her, hoping that she’s still not mad at me. Did she go sleep in Della’s room or on the couch because of what happened yesterday? Just as I’m getting out of bed I hear her in the bathroom. I run in there and she’s huddled over the toilet, sweating, sick.

  “Hold on, Eleanor.” The bathroom is empty, considering I didn’t unpack a single box. I go in the living room and search through the boxes until I find one that has bathroom stuff in it. When I get back to her she’s leaning against the bathtub. Her hands reach for the wet cloth and she wipes her face with it and then drapes it across the back of her neck.

  “Thanks,” she mumbles.

  “Are you alright?” I sink down on the floor next to her. She falls into my body. I guess leaning against the tub took too much effort.

  “Better now, yes.”

  “Is this what’s been happening?” If it is, she’s been downplaying it. This isn’t right.

  I can feel her nodding against my chest. “Come on. Let me get you back to bed.”

  Just before she falls back asleep, I apologize once more for last night. “And,” I add, “I’m not giving you a week. I’m taking you to the Urgent Care Clinic when you wake up.”

  24. Eleanor

  “Are you sure you want to go in today?” he asks, fawning over me like he’s done for the past twenty-four hours. I guess hearing that I’ve been getting sick and actually seeing it are two different things. He’s been acting crazy. He practically carried me into the doctor’s office yesterday.

  “I feel great this morning. Whatever bug I had is gone.”

  “Call me the minute you hear back from the doctor. They said they’d call today with the results from your bloodwork.”

  They couldn’t tell me anything in the office, which didn’t make Rafe too happy. The doctor thought it was a lingering virus due to a compromised immune system from being around so many sick kids at school, but decided to take a few vials of blood, just to rule out anything else.

  I roll my eyes and give him a salute. “Yes sir.”

  “Don’t get snarky with me, Eleanor Benson. I’ll turn you over my knee.” My face grows hot at the thought. He looks around to make sure his sister isn’t around and moves in closer. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  Before I can answer, Della comes running into the kitchen, backpack on, a smile across her face, ready for school. Last night we decided that I would drive us to school this morning. Rafe has an appointment with Doug, his parole officer. He wouldn’t give me any details, but I have a sneaking suspicion it’s about everything going down with Ford. I hope I’m right.

  “Be good today, Dells. Try to stay out of trouble.” Rafe kisses her forehead and ruffles her hair affectionately before she shoots through the door. He pulls me into his arms, his eyes softening the second my hands touch his face. “You be good today, too. Stay out of trouble, or I’ll make good on my promise to spank you.”

  He gets a kiss instead of a verbal response. I could kiss him for hours, but the honking of my horn reminds me that his sister is waiting in the car for me to drive us to school. We end the kiss, and I pull out of his warm embrace.

  “Love you, baby,” he calls as I walk through the door. I turn around so that I can get one more look at his face before I leave. His smile is huge and his eyes are warm. He looks so happy. The hardness that he shows everyone else is nowhere to be seen. This look is all for me.

  “Love you, too.”

  Della and I head to school and I fill the car with mindless chatter. All thoughts of the crazy weekend, my semi fight with Rafe, and seeing Tristan at dinner are long gone. We have a busy week at school, dinner plans with Claire and her crew, and I promised Rafe I’d get his house in working order.

  As soon as I step through the office to sign in, Ms. Delores stops me from leaving. “Mr. Perez needs to see you.”

  “Okay,” I draw out. I’m surprised that he’s even at school, much less needing to see me this early in the morning. “Come on, Dells.”

  “Oh, um, why don’t you leave her with me, or I can buzz someone to come take her to class.”

  Butterflies start to dance in my stomach. If this was a run of the mill conversation, there wouldn’t be a problem having Della in there with me. Ms. Delores is fidgeting at her desk. She knows something is up. “What’s going on?”

  She won’t meet my eyes. “I’m not sure, honey, but he said to send you in the minute you got here, and that you needed to be alone.”

  The butterflies have multiplied, their wings beating against my insides. This can’t be good. “Will you keep an eye on Della for me? She can sit and read while I’m in there. If Hadley gets here, she can walk her to class for me.”

  She finally looks at me, the sympathy shining in her eyes. “Sure.” My hesitation must be obvious. “Go on in now.”

  I take a few deep breaths and turn the knob that leads to his office. He’s on the phone, but ends the call the second after I walk in.

  “Eleanor, how are you this morning?”

  “I’m well.” That’s a flat-out lie. I’m anything but.

  “Please, have a seat.”

  I convince myself to move away from the door and take a seat in the chair directly across from his desk. It’s neat as a pin, everything in order. A manila folder with my name in the corner catches my eye. My mind is racing, trying to figure out what on Earth I’m doing in here. Before I can draw any conclusions on my own, his voice cuts through the air and confirms my deepest fear… one I had put to rest.

  “Eleanor, there’s no easy way for me to do this, so I’m not going to try to sugar coat anything. A concerned member of the community has come forward with some allegations about an inappropriate relationship you are allegedly involved in.”

  A harsh laugh escapes before I can prevent it from slipping past my lips. Despite the fact that I know what’s about to happen, a strange sense of bravado takes over. I should be on my best behavior, ready to refute this and grovel for my position, but I’m not. “Tristan Zimmerman is hardly a concerned member of the community. He’s a disgruntled ex-boyfriend, upset that he was dumped, pissed off that he lost me to someone else. But please, by all means, continue.”

  Daniel seems taken aback by my words. I’ve never been one to speak my mind, especially in that type of manner. Rather than replying, he opens the manila folder and flips to a flagged page. Words and phrases highlighted in neon yellow jump off the page, each one stoking the fire already burning inside of me.

  Immoral behavior…Displays behaviors reflective of moral virtues…Professional code of conduct…Sexual misconduct

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I exhale, in utter disbelief that he’s throwing the morality clause fro
m my contract in my face.

  “Trust me, Eleanor, this is no joke. The fact that you are engaged in a relationship with the father of one of your students is in violation of your contract. I cannot let this go on.”

  “Sibling.”

  He cocks his head to the side. “Excuse me?”

  The fact that he doesn’t even know the basis of Della and Rafe’s relationship burns me up further. He couldn’t care less about what happens on this campus. This is a politically driven move. “He’s not her father. He’s her brother. If you gave one fuck about your teachers or your students, you would know that. But that’s beside the point. We are in a relationship. It’s been going on long before I was his sister’s teacher, and it has no bearing on my ability to do my job. Have you noticed a change in my professionalism or my teaching skills?”

  “Well, no, but that’s not why I called you in here. The nature of the relationship is in direct violation of your contract. It must be dealt with.”

  My inappropriate laughing is back. “Or what? Tristan and his family will pull their funding for your campaign? You’ll lose your biggest supporters?”

  His face reddens, and he’s stumbling over his words. I’ve hit the nail on the head. The fucker is blackmailing Daniel. He has to get rid of me or the Zimmermans won’t be backing his run for Senate.

  “My hands are tied, Eleanor.”

  I grab the contract off his desk, scanning through the pages until I get to the part I’m searching for. “Right here, Daniel,” I say, pointing angrily at the clause I was searching for. “What about this? ‘The definition of morality is to be left up to the discretion of the school board.’ What did the board have to say about this situation?”

  He steeples his fingers under his chin. “I haven’t gone to the board. I thought we could handle this in-house.”

  “Why? Because you know they’ll side with me? Don’t forget that I was raised by one of the most powerful judges in the state of Louisiana. I went through this contract with a fine tooth comb before signing it. This is all bullshit, and you know it. You don’t have a leg to stand on.”

  He pulls a second folder from a neat stack on the side of his desk. I didn’t notice this one before. “Based on the relationship alone, no, maybe not, but Tristan did some digging on your boyfriend. He’s got quite the rap sheet. Engaging in a relationship with a known criminal is certainly frowned upon. Care to have a look?” he asks, pushing the folder toward me. I sit back like it’s a snake, ready to strike.

  I’ve lost the majority of my strength with the appearance of that folder, sickness taking its place. “I don’t need to see that,” I tell him, the words hard to get out. Defeat is a hard pill to swallow. I know everything I need to know. Rafe’s told me about his past; I don’t need to see it in black and white on the pages inside that folder.

  “I’m not trying to take away your career, Eleanor, but I can’t have you working here anymore. I have a position for you. When Della is out of Hadley’s class next year, you are more than welcome to come back to campus and resume your position.”

  I can’t formulate a reply right now. My head is spinning, my phone is buzzing incessantly against the side of my leg, and my stomach is churning. How could Tristan do this to me? How could he do this to my students?

  “Did you hear me?” Daniel asks. I look up at him through a haze of unshed tears and shake my head. “It’s a position to teach homebound students,” he repeats. “I think it will be a good fit for you. Take the rest of the day off to think about it. If you don’t want that, we can keep looking for other options within the parish. Friday was your last day as an employee at this school, Eleanor.” If I didn’t know better, I’d think he actually gives a shit about what I decide to do.

  Somehow, I get my body to stand up and walk the few feet to the door. Just as I get my hand to the knob he starts to talk again. “I’m really sorry about all this, but I had no choice. If I didn’t let you go, he was going to go public with everything. I couldn’t risk it. I can’t allow a teacher dating someone with such a history to work for me. My career would be ruined. The senate race would be over before it really even got started.”

  “Did you even fight for me?” I ask, still facing the door. His lack of a response is all the answer I need. His silence speaks volumes. “I don’t need the rest of the day to think about it. I’ll take the job. But I won’t be back next year if you’re still here. I can’t work for a goddamn coward.”

  I manage to get from the office back to my car without running into anyone. I don’t think I could handle having to tell anybody what happened. Give it an hour and I won’t have to. Word spreads around this place like wildfire. Before the students are even unpacked for the day, the entire staff will be well aware that I was let go for having an inappropriate relationship with the brother of one of my students.

  After several failed attempts, I get my keys in the ignition and get the car started. Because I can’t even get the damn thing cranked, I don’t think it would be a good idea to drive just yet. I sit in the silence of the car and replay what just happened in Daniel’s office. My mind can’t even process it right now, especially with the buzzing of my cell phone driving me crazy. I pull it out of my pocket and see an ungodly amount of missed calls… Laurel, Hadley, Ms. Delores, and an unknown number. I can’t talk to them about what happened yet, not when I don’t even know how I feel about it. I shut it off and throw it against the backseat.

  My first instinct is to fight for my job, fight for the right to date Rafe and not have to be reprimanded because of it. I could have the backing of some of the best attorneys in the state, thanks to the connections I’ve made over the years through my father. Hope wells up like a balloon, but then pops when I think about the second, thicker, battered file Daniel pulled out. Do I really want to put Rafe through a legal battle? If Rafe is dragged into this, then Della gets involved, too. Her custody could be at stake. That’s not something I can jeopardize; it’s something I refuse to jeopardize. This situation is so much bigger than me.

  Oh, Della. My heart breaks in two at the thought of being away from her. The tears that I’ve been holding at bay since I walked into Daniel’s office start to fall. Huge droplets drip off my chin and onto my lap at the thought of Dells being alone at school each day. Will her new teacher know how to calm her? Will she know what to do if Della starts to have an episode? My chest is heavy, hurting, bruised at the thought of my sweet girl going at it alone each day. She fights against her demons every day, but she can’t do it by herself.

  I need Rafe. He’s the only one who can comfort me right now. Determined to get to him, I pull out of the lot and drive to his house. Halfway there, I realize I’m going in the direction of his old place instead of his new one, so I turn around and head to his new neighborhood. New waves of tears start to fall when I pull into his driveway and see that his Explorer is in the driveway.

  The door opens before I can shut off my ignition. Rafe steps outside, fresh from the shower, a cup of coffee in hand. He takes one look at me and the cup falls to the ground and he’s at the car.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks as he lifts me from my seat. “Did the doctor call back?”

  The sobs are shaking my entire body. He’s got me, I know I’m safe, and I let go of everything I’ve been holding in since I walked into Daniel’s office. He takes me into the house and sits with me on the couch. I can’t stop my tears. He’s holding me and rocking me back and forth, rubbing soothing circles up and down my back and whispering reassurances in my ear. I can’t do anything but sob into his chest.

  “Please, baby, you’re scaring me,” he says, his voice cracking. “Tell me what they said.”

  I shake my head back and forth, trying to convey that it’s not that, because right now I just can’t get my mouth to work. Rafe mistakes my intentions.

  “You can tell me anything. We’ll deal with it together. I’ve got you, Eleanor. I love you.” His words come out as a pained whisper.

&nb
sp; Finally, I’m able to pull myself up and look at him. The look on his face breaks my heart. I didn’t think it was capable of breaking any further. “It’s not that. I got fired.” Saying it out loud prompts a fresh wave of tears.

  “What?”

  “I got fired this morning.” I take a few deep breaths before continuing. “Evidently the two of us dating is a violation of the morals clause in my contract.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks, his whole body turning to stone. He sets me down on the couch and gets up. The pacing starts, and it effectively shuts down my emotion. His anger brings me a strange sense of calm over the situation- gives me something else to focus on.

  “Rafe,” I call. “It’s okay. I didn’t get fired fired. I just have to work somewhere else. They gave me a different position.”

  His pacing doesn’t stop, but he pins me with a look that would scare me if I didn’t know that his anger wasn’t geared toward me. “How did this happen?”

  “What?”

  He stops moving right in front of me on the couch and leans in close. “How. Did. This. Happen?”

  I could lie, but it’s pointless. “Tristan,” I whisper.

  “I’ll fucking kill him.”

  “Rafe, please, calm down.”

  “No, Eleanor, I will not calm down. He can’t get away with this. Getting you fired because you won’t date him… that’s fucking crazy. You’ve got to fight this.”

  I shake my head. The movement is tiny, but he sees it.

  “Why the fuck not?”

  “Because of you and Della.”

  His sharp intake of breath hisses through the air. “What do we have to do with it?”

  “He knows about you, Rafe. Daniel had a file on you when he called me into his office.” I stop talking when I see Rafe’s face pale. Realization is sinking in. “If this goes to court, it’s not just me that will be under fire. They’ll drag you into the fight, too. I won’t put Della’s custody at risk. Nothing is worth that, especially my job.”