Buried in the Stars Page 18

  “What’s going on?”

  “I couldn’t sleep.” The dark circles surrounding his eyes confirm it.

  “Is your mom alright?”

  “There’s no change. I just got off the phone with my brother.” He moves some dirt around underneath his shoe and looks back up at me. My heart aches for him. I want to reach out and hold him, touch him, help him grieve, but I can’t do that. I lost that right.

  “Will you walk with me?” he asks. His voice is desperate. He needs me, but I’m not sure if I can handle being alone with him.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Because of Easton?”

  Because of Easton, because of Claudia, because of me. I just shrug instead.

  “Look, Scarlett, if I’m going to fix things with him, I can’t pretend that you weren’t the most important person in my life. It’s just a walk. We don’t even have to speak.”

  Instead of giving him an answer, I crawl back through my window and slip on some shoes. When I reappear on the lawn, relief washes over his face. We walk, wordlessly, down the street. It’s not uncomfortable, just different. It’s been years since I’ve been close to him like this. The familiarity of his presence makes me wish we could go back in time. Things seemed so impossible then, but I’d give anything to have that piece of my life back.

  I stop walking when he gets to the edge of the woods. Part of me knew he would lead us here. Walking down the street with him in the middle of the night is one thing, but going into the woods with him is quite another.

  “You coming?” he asks.

  I stay frozen in place and shake my head with my refusal.

  “Come on, Squirt. I’ll keep you safe.”

  “It’s not the animals I’m worried about,” I murmur under my breath. He broke my heart in those woods. I fell in love with him surrounded by those trees, and he killed that love. I don’t think I could ever go back in there with him again.

  “I want to see the old treehouse.”

  Memories hit me like a ton of bricks. He’s got to know this is torturing me. How can he not realize that? “I want to go home.”

  He looks at the trees for a second or two more than walks back over to me. “Will you come with me and Estella to breakfast in the morning?”

  “What?” I exhale. Sleep deprivation must be making him crazy.

  “Breakfast. You know, the first meal of the day. I want you to meet her.”

  “Have you lost your mind?”

  He simply smiles, his dimple making me weak in the knees. “What do you say?”

  “Um, no.”

  “She wants to meet you.”

  “She knows about me?”

  “Why wouldn’t she? I told her about my life here. Mom and Easton tell her stories about you, too.”

  I shake my head in disbelief. “And what does Claudia have to say about all this sharing?”

  His smile grows bigger. “Jealous, Squirt?”

  “Stop calling me that,” I snap.

  He laughs. “You are jealous. Trust me, there’s no need for that.”

  “I’m leaving now,” I call out over my shoulder, walking as quickly as I can down the road back to my house.

  “I’ll pick you up at eight.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

  Unbelievable.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Despite my better judgement, I’m dressed and ready to go to breakfast with Sutton and his daughter the next morning. Guilt gnaws at me, but like he said, if he’s going to make things work with his brother, we have to make peace, as well. I call Easton when I wake up and let him know about our plans.

  “I know,” he tells me, and it shocks me a little that I didn’t surprise him with the news. “Sutton wanted to make sure it was alright with me before he asked you.”

  “And you’re okay with it?” Nothing is going on between me and Easton, but I know how he feels about me, and I know how he feels about me being around his brother.

  “Of course. And he’s right; if we are going to fix things, we all have to learn to get along. Besides, you’re going to love Estella. She’s perfect.”

  I want him to protest, but he doesn’t. He would never not give me what I want, he simply wants to do what he can to make me happy. “Are you coming here after?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Mom’s having a scan in about an hour. We should hear news soon so we can decide what our next steps are.” He pulls in a deep breath, and I can picture him running his hand through his wild hair. “Hurry. I missed you last night.”

  His words sting. I missed him, too, but I’m looking forward to spending time with Sutton. “I will. I’ll call you when I’m on my way.”

  Sutton’s in the driveway as soon as I hang up the phone. I hop in before he gets the chance to turn off the car. Mom was still in bed when I got up to have a cup of coffee, and I’d like to keep this breakfast outing to myself. She doesn’t know much about my life these days, but she knows enough to understand that spending time with both brothers may be cause for concern. I’m not in the mood to ward off another Jesus lecture.

  “Good morning, Squirt.”

  I roll my eyes but then take a few seconds to look him over. The signs of insomnia seem to have faded a little since last night. “You look like you slept.”

  “A little.” He returns my stare. It’s only when a little voice breaks through the quiet that I remember his daughter is also in the car.

  “Can I call her Squirt, too?”

  He laughs, and I move my gaze to the backseat. I’ve seen her a couple of times now, but never this close or this still. She’s a tiny replica of her father.

  “Hi.” I smile and wave, unsure of what else to do. “I’m Scarlett.”

  She returns the smile. “I’m Estella. I’m four. How old are you?”

  “Estella,” Sutton says as he backs out of my mother’s driveway. “I told you it’s not polite to ask that question.”

  “But I know how old you and Uncle Easton are. Grandma Vera and Doc tell me how old they are, but I always forget because the number’s too big. Claudia tells me how old she is. Why can’t I know about Squirt?”

  “It’s Scarlett,” I tell her. “And I’m twenty-one.” I find it interesting that Estella calls Claudia by name. I guess I can rule out the possibility that she’s her mother.

  “Just like Uncle Easton.”

  “Yes.”

  “Is Uncle Easton your boyfriend?”

  We haven’t even pulled out onto the highway and she’s grilling me. I nod instead of giving her an answer, and watch Sutton’s knuckles turn white as his fingers grip the steering wheel.

  “But you used to be my dad’s girlfriend?”

  Color hits my cheeks. “Yes.”

  “Why don’t you give Scarlett a minute to breathe and quit with the interrogation.”

  She keeps going, completely ignoring her father’s request. “My dad is teaching me about the stars. He used to tell you those stories, too, right?”

  Estella’s big, greenish blue eyes are looking into mine, waiting for an answer, but I feel like my chest is caving in. She blinks a few times, and I turn away from her and train my eyes on the road.

  “Yeah, he did,” I whisper. Hopefully she’ll stop, but she doesn’t. For the rest of the drive she talks about her life in California. It’s clear that Sutton is raising an intelligent, independent child. I’m so proud of him, but I’m also insanely jealous. That should be our child in the back of the car, not his that was the result of a one night stand.

  “We’re here,” he says.

  “Good. I’m starving,” Estella tells her father.

  “It’s from all that talking you do.”

  We pick a booth toward the back. Estella sits right across from me, props her elbows on the table, rests her chin in her hands, and stares me down. “You’re very pretty.” There’s a mischievous gleam in her eyes, reminiscent of her father and her uncle.
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  “So are you.”

  “Thank you.” She doesn’t shy away from the compliment. It’s clear she hears it often. “Daddy says you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.” She giggles. “Well, besides me.”

  “Okay. That’s enough.” It’s obvious that Sutton is very honest with his daughter and she’s like a teenager trapped in a little body. Thankfully the waitress comes, and we have a reprieve from Estella’s interrogation.

  “How long are you here for?” I ask after we order our food.

  “As long as I need to be. My life in Santa Monica is on hold indefinitely. The three of us are staying until, well, until it’s not necessary anymore.”

  I can read the meaning behind his unspoken words. It will be hard having him home, but I hope he’s here for a while.

  “You can do that? What about work and school?”

  “I work at UCLA. I took a leave of absence from both the classes I was enrolled in and my teaching position. They were very understanding about my situation.”

  “Teaching and taking classes?” He nods. I’m impressed with the fact that he can handle all of that and care for his daughter, but I’m dying to know more. My eyes fall to the napkin spread across my lap, and I stare at it like it’s the most fascinating thing in the world. I can’t handle eye contact when I ask what I need to know. “What about your girlfriend?”

  “Daddy doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s only loved -,” she starts, but he pulls her close and gives her a little squeeze around the shoulders. She stops talking right away. This must be a familiar move.

  “I’m not with anyone,” he says. He’s looking right at me, piercing me with his stare, and I feel butterflies take flight in my stomach.

  “What about Claudia?”

  “She’s my nanny,” Estella says, laughing.

  “Claudia’s been with us since Estella was born. I don’t know how we’d survive without her, but date her? No.”

  “I don’t have a mommy,” Estella says, and it breaks my heart. “Claudia is like my mommy, but she isn’t married to Daddy.”

  “You’re a very bright girl. Claudia does a good job taking care of you.”

  “Do you have a mom?”

  I nod.

  “Here’s the food,” Sutton says, and I’ve never been so happy to see pancakes and bacon in my life. I don’t want to talk about my mother or Estella’s lack of one. I’m dying to hear the story, especially since now I recall his family alluding to it several times. This isn’t the time or place, but I need to know why this precious little girl is being raised by her father and a nanny.

  Thankfully, the conversation turns to Estella’s favorite foods, which leads to what she likes to watch on television and her best friend, Molly. All talk of our mothers is dropped, and Sutton and I eat in silence, the awkwardness of the situation slowly melting away.

  After we eat and Sutton insists on paying the bill, we drive back home. Thanks to the big breakfast, Estella is quiet in the backseat. Her eyes, exact replicas of her father’s, droop and threaten to close several times. She fights sleep the whole way back to the house.

  “I’m headed to the hospital. You want a ride?” he asks. Claudia is at the car and getting Estella out of her seat. She’s stunning, her tan skin and dark hair even more beautiful up close. I can appreciate her beauty now that I know she’s not with Sutton.

  “That’d be great,” I tell him and stay in the car.

  “Can you come back later?” a sleepy Estella asks me. “I want you to show me the treehouse.”

  “I’ll try.”

  Claudia shuts the door and Estella waves. I turn to her father as soon as he starts to drive. “You really do tell her everything.”

  “Why would I hide that part of my life from her? That’s the happiest I’ve ever been.”

  “Will you tell me about her mother?”

  “Not now. It’s too much to get into on the way to see Mom. Why don’t you come back for dinner like Estella asked, and I’ll tell you about her then?”

  I take in a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

  “I’ll cook for all of us. It’s Dad’s turn to stay at the hospital tonight, so you can get to know Claudia and Estella better.”

  I smile. “I’m not sure if I can handle any more of her questions.”

  “She’s a spitfire. Claudia is the same way. I think she forgets that Estella is a child and not one of her girlfriends. I’ve had to put her in her place a few times.”

  “So she’s your been your nanny since the beginning?”

  “Yeah. I needed help when Estella was born, and thankfully Grandpa left me with more than enough money to make that happen. I can’t imagine raising her without Claudia’s help.”

  “You two are pretty close.”

  He shakes his head and pulls his eyes off the road for a second. “It’s not like that. It’s never been like that.” After a harsh exhale he looks away from me and concentrates on the drive. “There’s never been anyone else, Squirt. Not since you.”

  The air inside the car is pressing down on me, making it hard to breathe. This was not where I wanted this conversation to go. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Maybe not now,” he says, his voice rough, “but eventually we’re going to.”

  I don’t understand his insistence on bringing up what we used to have. “Why? There’s no need to rehash the past,” I tell him, but I hate keeping up the lie.

  “You were never meant for him.”

  “Please, Sutton,” I beg him. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Yes, of course I do. He’s never betrayed me and has always been there for me.

  There’s a pause as Sutton takes in the deliberate hit.

  “Do you love him like you love me?” he finally asks.

  “Why are you doing this?” I respond, deliberately avoiding answering his question, silently wishing he’d drive faster, so I could get out of this damn car. He’s taking his time pulling into the entrance of the hospital.

  “Do you love him like you love me?” he repeats, his voice harsh. Each word is like a punch to the gut.

  I want to give him the truth, but I can’t. “I’m not answering that.”

  He pulls into a space and throws the car in park. His eyes are practically on fire when he looks back at me. “You just did.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Easton looks back and forth between me and his brother all afternoon. We aren’t sitting together- hell, we barely exchange words- but I can tell he’s dying to know the details of breakfast. Doc does most of the talking, trying to relieve some of the tension in the room. Mrs. Vera drifts in and out of consciousness, thanks to a hefty dose of pain medicine they gave her after a particularly bad night.

  “I’m cooking tonight,” Sutton finally tells his brother. I was wondering if he was going to bring it up. “You and Scarlett should eat dinner with us. It’ll give Estella and Claudia a chance to get to know her.”

  The look Easton shoots his way is one I’ve not seen from him before… possession and anger all wrapped up in a tight scowl. “Is that really necessary? I’m sure you’ll be going back to California soon. We wouldn’t want Estella getting too attached.”

  Sutton hits him with a smirk before letting his stare slide my way. “I don’t know little brother. I think I’ll stick around here for a while.”

  I shift nervously on the vinyl chair, not liking the direction the conversation is heading. Thankfully Doc wades in before it gets heated. “I’m not sure that anyone needs to be making rash life decisions right now.” He looks to his wife’s sleeping form, pain radiating from his face. “I think dinner is a great idea. Scarlett’s a part of this family. Why wouldn’t Estella get to know her?”

  Easton’s eyes darken. “I’ll be back,” he mumbles before leaving the room. I stand up to go after him but Sutton grabs my hand to stop me from following.

  “Give him a minute. You know how he is.�
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  My eyes dart from Sutton’s grip to the door, and I decide to sit down and let him cool off. I ease my hand out of his and clear the doorway just in time to make way for the oncologist. I’m uncomfortable being in the room when they’re discussing Mrs. Vera’s treatment and progress, so I take off to find my boyfriend.

  Easton’s pacing the lake outside the back exit of the hospital, his hands in tight fists at his sides. I don’t know why Sutton insists on provoking him if they are trying to get along for the sake of their mother.

  “Hey.” I lay my hand on his back and his pacing stops. He turns his head and his eyes are tortured. I exhale, confused about how to fix this. “Don’t let him get to you.”

  “Everything is getting to me, not just my asshole brother. I don’t know how to deal with him being back, my mom being sick, this breach between us…”

  His words feel like a slap in the face. “Nothing is wrong between us.”

  “I can feel it, Scarlett, and it’s growing bigger. You’re pulling away. I don’t even think you’re aware of it, but it’s just like when we were kids. Before the two of you were ever together.” He slides his sunglasses off his head and slips them on. “You’re drawn to him. He always came first. I think he always will.”

  I shake my head, confused as to what he’s saying.

  “In there,” he continues, pointing at the building, “you kept inching closer to him, turning your body away from me and toward him. He doesn’t see it, you don’t see it, but everyone else does.” He drops his head down and puts his hands in his pockets. “It’s inevitable, Scarlett. The two of you were meant to be.”

  An angry laugh comes out before I can stop it. “Don’t you dare, Easton. I don’t want him. He hurt me. You were there for the aftermath. You saw what he did to me. Why would I go back to that?” I’m not explaining this like I want to. “I would never go back to him so I could sit around, waiting to see when he’ll hurt me again.”