More Than Ever: The Home Series, Book One Page 12

  I don’t even try to stop the flow of tears. I turn in his arms. We are away from the light, but not far enough away so that I can’t see that his eyes are red. I sit on his lap, grasping at his face. It finally hits me.

  “That’s why you do what you do.”

  He gives me a small nod.

  “Not only did that little girl’s death destroy a family, it destroyed my one shot at happiness. The one time in my life I felt anything remotely close to love it was viciously ripped away from me. That’s why I do what I do. I want to keep other people from feeling what I went through. If I save at least one child, it’s all worth it. Every second of my fucked up childhood.”

  I think he’s done, but he keeps talking. What he says next takes my chest and rips it right open, making me totally defenseless against this man.

  “I’ve had a shit life. I haven’t felt that kind of hope and happiness ever again. Except, sweet girl, every time I’m with you. You give me that feeling again, Lucy. You make me feel.”

  “And you scare the hell out of me, Bennett,” I whisper. I’m afraid to talk too loud. I can’t believe I’m saying all of this to him in the first place. “I don’t know what to do with these feelings. I’ve never had any like this before. I don’t know what I’m doing,” I tell him, feeling totally out of my element.

  “Let me take care of it,” he says. “You focus on staying healthy, and I’ll worry about us.”

  I need a break from this heavy conversation, so I look back to the table.

  “Do we need to pick up the food?”

  “No.”

  “It’s going to go bad if we don’t bring it inside and put it away.” I start to get up and he pulls me right back down.

  “Lucy, it’s fine.”

  “I need to go to the bathroom,” I lie, and he lets me up.

  He leads me in the house, and shows me to his bedroom.

  “You don’t have one anywhere else?” I ask, suspicious of his motives.

  “I haven’t gotten around to fixing the other one yet.”

  I’m pretty sure that’s a lie. I saw it during his tour earlier. It looked fine to me.

  He’s standing in the doorway to the bedroom, waiting for me to go in the bathroom. I step in, and turn on the water. I wash my hands and rinse my mouth, all while thinking about Bennett and everything he’s told me tonight. He’s just as broken as I am, but in a very different way. Bennett can be fixed. Can I be the person to fix him? I want to be. I want to be the person to give him what he’s been missing all his life. I think about Dad’s insistence that I need love to be happy and whole. Well, that beautifully broken man out there needs it and deserves it, too. What am I thinking? I am totally going back on everything I’ve been telling myself. Fuck it. I open the door and he’s standing further in the room now, next to a massive bed, turning on a lamp. It’s a beautiful sight.

  “Come here,” he practically growls at me.

  I hesitate, but only because I’m trying to savor this moment. He mistakes my intention.

  “What did I tell you about fighting me?”

  I take a huge breath, slip off my shoes where I stand and start walking towards him. His hands are clenched by his sides, his knuckles turning white. As I’m walking, I start to unbutton my shirt. When I get closer, he falls back on the bed, sitting and opening his legs wide. I stop just short of his reach. I slide the shirt open and down my arms. With each movement, I am rewarded with an audible inhale of breath from Bennett. He sounds like he’s been running. I let the shirt drop all the way down to the floor and move my trembling hands down to my shorts. I unbutton them, then move to the zipper. I feel my face getting redder and redder with each effort. I can’t believe I’m doing this. When the zipper is down, I let the shorts fall. They pool at my feet, and I step out of them.

  “My God, Luce. Come here, now,” he demands.

  I move to turn off the lamp first, but he moves from the bed and grabs my waist.

  “No. You’re not hiding from me. I want to see every single inch of you.”

  While he’s standing, he grabs the hem of his shirt and pulls it off. I stop breathing. His chest is massive, ripped, and covered in scars of varying shapes and sizes. My hand is shaking even more than before as I reach out to touch them. He grabs my hand and kisses my palm and then my wrist, successfully stopping it in its tracks.

  “I told you, shit life.”

  I can feel tears once again, and he wipes my face. He kisses me tenderly, while leaning down and taking off his jeans. When he pulls away, I look at the rest of his impressive body. He’s in dark boxer briefs. His body is simply beautiful. Such a strange word to always describe this man, but I can’t think of any other. He sits back down on the bed and pulls me by the hips to stand between his legs.

  He finally touches me how I want him to. I’m just standing and watching him, my hands placed on his shoulders to support my weak knees. He’s tracing the outline of my lingerie, bordering between the lace and my skin. He’s only using the tip of one finger, and it feels hot, heavy and solid. I follow it with my eyes, baffled.

  How can one fingertip cause such an impression on my skin?

  “Gorgeous, just like my sweet girl,” he says.

  I can’t tell if he’s saying it to himself or to me. He appears captivated by what he sees. His mouth follows the trail his fingertip is mapping, and my breath is coming out faster. Now we are both panting.

  Jesus, we are barely even touching each other. This is crazy.

  His touch is so light, but he’s setting me on fire. When he’s done, I get the same treatment across my stomach. He’s driving me insane. I feel each kiss and touch on my skin and in my soul. The sounds of our breath are becoming louder as he worships my body. He’s taking his time, and it is a sweet anguish. Finally, he looks up at me. The look is one of wonder. I can’t believe someone would ever look at me like that.

  “Tell me you’re mine,” he demands.

  “I am,” I whisper.

  “No, Lucy. I need the words. I need to know you’re sure. Once we do this, that’s it. I mean what I said outside.”

  “I’m yours, Bennett.”

  Before I get his name out, he’s off the bed, I’m in it, and he’s back to his exploring. He carefully peels off my bra and panties, like he’s scared to move too fast. He sits back on his heels next to me on the mattress and looks down, his stare moving up and down my body. I want to cover myself up and hide my scarred body from his roaming eyes, but I force my hands to stay at my sides. Bennett has a look on his face that I don’t want to lose.

  I decide to become a more active participant. Our hands, mouths, and tongues are everywhere. We turn into a tangled mess of limbs. He’s holding back and trying to be gentle. I can tell it’s not easy for him. It’s not easy for me either. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything else in my entire life. I need him inside me. I can’t believe I ever fought him.

  “Bennett, you won’t break me,” I tell him. “Please,” I plead. I need him, now. I’m tugging on him, but he doesn’t budge. He’s massive. What is he waiting for?

  “Please what, Lucy? Tell me what you want.”

  I bite on my lip. Yes, I’m naked in bed with this man, but to say the words is too much. He holds my face and kisses me.

  “Let me help you. ‘Bennett, I need you. I want you inside of me.’ Your turn,” he says.

  “Bennett, I need you. I want you inside of me.”

  “Good girl,” he says.

  He rolls off of me for a second. I look at his back while he’s digging in the night stand. More scars. I close my eyes to block out the image. I don’t want to think about that right now. His mouth suddenly pushes against mine, pulling me back to the present.

  “Eyes open. I want your eyes the whole time, Luce,” he tells me.

  With our eyes on each other, Bennett does just what I ask. He pushes into me and proceeds to make love to me. I gasp loudly as soon as he enters me. I can’t look away from
him. This feels right. Emotions and words we can’t say yet are displayed in our eyes.

  I can’t do the experience justice with words. I don’t have the words I want. I hope he knows what I want to say, what I feel.

  I’m lost in sensations and emotions when Bennett’s movements slow a bit, and he kisses me deeply.

  “Luce, I need you to come,” he exhales into my mouth, his forehead pushing against mine. “I can’t hold back much longer. You feel too damn good.”

  I start to stammer, and he cuts me off.

  “Stop thinking. Give it to me. Let yourself go.”

  He speeds up, pushing faster and harder into me. My eyes begin to close, the sensation creeping up on me.

  “Eyes, Lucy. I need you to see what you do to me. God, you could bring me to my fucking knees.”

  With that one statement, I’m done for. I do what he says. I come slow, long, and hard. Nothing has ever felt this good. Nothing has even come close. Bennett follows right behind me. It’s a stunning sight to watch him come apart above me. I didn’t expect anything less.

  We lay in silence for a minute, just breathing together, trying to hold tight to the moment for a little while longer. When our breaths start returning to normal, he gives me the gentlest of kisses and rolls off of me. I immediately miss his weight.

  “Let me go take care of this. I’ll be right back.”

  He walks towards the bathroom, and I’m rewarded with another beautiful sight.

  When Bennett comes out of the bathroom, I’m following my trail of clothes, getting dressed.

  “Whoa, Lucy. Hold on. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

  I see the panic in his eyes. He thinks I regret what just happened. He thinks I’m running away. He couldn’t be more wrong.

  “I need to get home. It’s late.”

  “Don’t run away. Let’s talk about this. Stay with me tonight.”

  I’m picking up my clothes, but just as quickly, he’s taking them from me. I’m not getting anywhere with this tug-o-war.

  “I’m not pulling a disappearing act, Bennett, I promise. I have to go home, though. I don’t have my medicine here. Plus, Mom’s picking me up in the morning. She wants to meet Ava.”

  He smiles, relief settling on his face. He kisses the air right out of me, yet again.

  “Did you tell her about us?”

  “I didn’t know there was an ‘us’.”

  “There’s been an ‘us’ since you threw up all over me.”

  ***

  Bennett

  Shit. Did I scare her off? I’ve never told anyone about my past. Hell, no one has cared enough to ask. I had to do it. I needed to let her know that I’m serious about her. About us. Now she’s locked up in that fucking bathroom, probably figuring out how to get out of here. I can’t let her leave. I hear the door finally open, and I look up. She’s moving in slow motion. She’s breathtaking.

  “Come here,” I tell her.

  She stops moving, but doesn’t take her eyes off of me.

  “What did I tell you about fighting me?” Why does she have to make this so damn hard? She’s got to know we are going to happen. She’s just prolonging the inevitable.

  She takes off her shoes and starts walking towards the bed. She’s slowly unbuttoning her shirt. I see flesh colored lace peeking out. She literally knocks me on my ass. I sit back on the edge of the bed and watch her keep coming towards me. I can’t believe she’s doing this. She finishes with the buttons on her shirt, hands trembling the whole time, and drops it to the floor. Scar and all, I’ve never seen something so beautiful. I want her next to me, but she stops before I can reach her, taking off her shorts, too. A tiny pair of panties is barely covering her. I want her out of those.

  “My God, Luce. Come here, now.”

  She tries to turn off the lamp. Not happening.

  “No. You’re not hiding from me. I want to see every single inch of you.”

  I stand up and take off my shirt. She gasps. Shit. I forgot about my collection of scars. Souvenirs from my stays at various shitty foster homes. She tries to touch them, but I don’t let her. I don’t want her pity. This is not what tonight is about.

  “I told you, shit life.”

  I kiss her while wiping away her tears, and take off my jeans. I want to be buried inside her right now, but I need to control myself. I sit back down, pull Lucy in between my legs, and start my exploration of her beautiful body. I know how she feels about it, but I only see perfection when I look at her. Those scars aren’t ugly, they make her Lucy. My fingers, mouth, and tongue are tracing and tasting every bit of her beautiful skin. She’s panting. She’s ready for me.

  I don’t give in just yet. I want to know that she’s mine. I want nothing more than to sink into that body, but I need the words. We are rolling around in my bed, pawing at each other like we need each other to survive. I’m about to come just from hearing the whimpers, gasps, and pants coming from her mouth. Then she starts begging me. I can’t take much more.

  “Please what? Tell me what you want.”

  She needs to tell me.

  She’s biting at her lip. We’re in bed, naked, groping each other, and she’s getting shy. So damn cute.

  “Let me help you. ‘Bennett, I need you. I want you inside of me.’ Your turn,” I tell her.

  “Bennett, I need you. I want you inside of me.”

  “Good girl,” I say.

  I roll away from her for a second, put on a condom at record breaking speed, and plunge into her. Dear Jesus, she’s so tight and hot, I’m gonna last about 10 seconds. It’s like I have the control of a teenage boy. I’ve never felt like this inside a woman. She’s fucking made for me. Home flashes across my mind as I move in and out of her. It’s too soon for me to have thoughts like this, but Lucy Brennan is it for me. I’m a goner.

  She’s got to be close. I can feel it coming. Her body is tensing up. She needs to hurry or I’m gonna embarrass myself. I slow down and kiss the hell out of her. I can’t tell her what I want to say, so I give her something that I hope will let her know how I feel. I hope it’s enough.

  “God, you could bring me to my fucking knees.”

  She’s done for. I watch her face change, feel her body tightening even more around me, and she comes. It’s a perfect sight. I want to etch it on my brain forever. That one look on her face is all it takes. I come harder than I ever have in my life. This girl is gonna be the death of me. I’ve never looked forward to anything more.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I don’t say anything about Bennett to Mom in the morning when she picks me up. I want to keep it for myself. I’m so happy I can’t even wipe the obnoxious smile off my face. She keeps giving me funny looks, but doesn’t press me for information. Maybe she’s talked to Maggie. I’m just glad she’s quiet about it. It’s too early for that kind of conversation. It’s too early for any kind of conversation.

  We get out of the car at the center and she gets a huge bag out of the trunk. I’m not surprised that she’s come prepared to meet Ava. I realize at that moment that I still haven’t gotten anything out of Bennett about her. Knowing his past and his relationship with her, I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that their stories are very similar. I hope I’m wrong, but it’s unlikely.

  I shake my head at Mom while she struggles with the bag.

  “What?” she says. “I had to bring Ava something. She’s made such a big impression on you.”

  We go through the usual check-in process, and make our way to the back. My chair is already pulled close to my new friend’s. Ava is all tucked in and hooked up to her machine. She’s alone again. She perks up when she sees us.

  “Lucy! I missed you!”

  “Hi, sweetheart! I missed you, too. I brought someone with me today to meet you. This is my mom, Claire.”

  Mom is staring at her, eyes glazed over, but a big smile on her face.

  “Hi, honey. I have some things for you. Would you like to see?”


  Ava nods enthusiastically. While they busy themselves looking at all of Ava’s new goodies, I mentally prepare for the next four hours. I go to sit down, and find a note in my chair.

  Lucy,

  Sorry I missed you. I have a full morning across the street so I can’t come back to see you. You don’t know how much last night meant to me. It was everything.

  Bennett

  Attached to the note is a little box of Junior Mints.

  I’m practically ignored the entire time I’m at the center. Mom is enamored with Ava. Totally smitten. And, from the looks of it, the feeling is mutual. Ava can’t get enough of her. I can’t say I blame her. My mom is pretty awesome. When her time is up, Mom goes to the front with one of the nurses to wait for Ava’s ride. She comes back a while later, too upset to talk to me. She sits in a vacant chair, staring out one of the windows by Ava’s station, lost in some heavy thoughts. After several long minutes, I try to see what happened to get her so upset.

  “Mom, what’s going on?”

  “She’s got no one, Lucy. She’s all alone. An orphan. She lives in a goddamn state home for children. She isn’t even with a foster family. They can’t find one damn person to take her in because of her medical condition. This is completely unacceptable.”

  I let out a huge sigh. I knew it was bad, but I thought she would at least be in a foster home. She doesn’t even have that. She’s all alone. My heart bleeds for this poor child.

  “I’ve got to fix this. I have to talk to your father,” she says, standing up, pacing.

  “What are you gonna do? Mom, this is nuts!”

  “Lucy, you think I can just leave her in the care of the state? She needs someone to take care of her and love her. I can do that. Your father and I did a damn good job with you and your sister. We can do it for her, too.”

  I don’t know what to say to her. She’s simultaneously pacing like a mad woman, texting Dad, and Googling God knows what on my iPad. My God, she’s serious. She really wants to take Ava in. This is insane. But, if anyone knows what they are doing with a child who has medical needs, it’s Mom and Dad.